Archive for November, 2008
the new and improved airline ticketing policy
benjamin and i tend to entertain ourselves throughout the day with random banter, and recently he sent me the following article:
OTTAWA (Reuters) - Obese people have the right to two seats for the price of one on flights within Canada, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Thursday.
The high court declined to hear an appeal by Canadian airlines of a decision by the Canadian Transportation Agency that people who are “functionally disabled by obesity” deserve to have two seats for one fare.
The airlines had lost an appeal at the Federal Court of Appeal in May and had sought to launch a fresh appeal at the Supreme Court. The court’s decision not to hear a new appeal means the one-person-one-fare policy stands.
The appeal had been launched by Air Canada, Air Canada Jazz and WestJet.
(Reporting by Randall Palmer)
how is this even remotely fair? i am being punished for the “disability” of those who are unwilling to change the physical condition in which they have been living? - ultimately by paying higher prices for my own plane tickets. i have a very very huge problem with obesity because a healthy lifestyle is a choice, and whereas obesity is certainly a genetic trait, the sedentary lifestyle is not. i have an even bigger problem with paying more. i have always been an advocate of the pay-per-pound airline tickets. trust me, i will GLADLY step on a scale and take advantage of the fact that i am the size of an average 12 year-old girl and shell out a little bit less money.
benjamin, however, gave the ultimate solution to this problem and has figured out how to price tickets. i suggest he submit it to delta:
There is a baseline there for which the airline must account. If the total cost of flying an empty plane from point A to point B is X, and flying a full plane (with average weight for passengers and baggage) is Y, then you would have to charge a base of X/C, with C being the capacity (in no. of seats), plus a weight based charge of WI(Y-X)/C, with WI being a weight index of your weight (plus baggage) over the average weight. Total cost of a flight is [X+WI(Y-X)]/C
pretty good, huh!?
on a somewhat related note, my father and i have been having dialogues about the comments we receive about our physical appearances. dad is 5′7″ and about 130 on a heavy day (mom is 5′3″ 100), so you can see where i get my tremendous size. regardless, people are always telling both of us that we need to eat more, or that we look unhealthy. for those of you who know me and have seen me with less-than-conservative clothing on, would you consider me too small? dad can lift a ridiculous amount, runs more (and faster) than i do, and has a fabulous diet (diet does not mean less food, it means better dietary choices). i have an appointment with a nutritionist on 12/6 so that i can work on losing some of the “extra fat” that my nutritionist says that i am storing. to be honest, i’m pretty stoked. i’m working on that jessica biel/evangeline lilly body. oh, it’s gonna get here. just in time for bikini season and my 25th birthday cruise.
Jessica Biel
i love how in the movie wall-E, all of the humans have robots and machines doing everything for them to the point that they cannot think for themselves and are entirely overweight. i honestly think that we are well on our way to that point. it is just a shame that nature’s rules of survival of the fittest does not seem to apply anymore. sigh.
i’m a size what?
last sunday, i was feeling pretty awful about a few things. in true lindsay fashion, i decided to drop a load of cash on myself (i don’t do that often). amongst the items i purchased (besides a new hair style and color) was a gray business skirt. i walked into express, grabbed a size 2 (which i have been in express clothing since i was about 15), and went to the register.
monday morning, i threw on the skirt. to my dismay, i could not keep the skirt over my hips. that’s correct, not my waist, my hips.
my “measurements” are approximately 33-24-34. this is the only thing keeping my small frame looking remotely feminine - i am relatively proportional. knowing these numbers, this can lead one to conclude that the waist of this skirt was at least 33 inches. i was able to pull the skirt off of my waist, make two fists, and fit them easily into the gap between the skirt and my waist.
i double checked the size. size 2.
i read somewhere that the size 8 of today is the size 16 of 30 years ago. clothing manufacturers are relabeling clothes with smaller sizes. i would surmise this is a move to make women feel more confident. there are numerous times that i have talked to girls who are about 15 to 20 pounds heavier than me, and have claimed to be the same size as me. i never questioned it aloud, but always wondered. but after this past weekend, i will no longer doubt their claims for a second.
sure, i understand that if a manufacturer sizes their clothing so that a larger woman thinks she is a smaller size, it may entice her to purchase that brand of clothing more often because she can get into a “6″ instead of a “10.” however, for those at the other end of the spectrum, my only remaining option is to shop at kids clothing stores which does not lend itself well to a working professional.
the only rational thought that comes into my head is that women need to get over this horrible self image hurdle. yes, i understand that i am much smaller than most females, but have you looked at my training page? i work relatively hard to be as petite as i am. i hurt, i sweat, and i spend (on average) 2 hours a day working out. granted, i have nothing else to do, but it is somewhat of a priority for me.
if you are unhappy with your clothing size, get your ass to the gym. i promise that if you are working out, working hard, and eating right, no matter what your body type and body size is naturally, you will become content with what you have achieved, and the little number on the tag in your jeans will not make a difference to you anymore. don’t let your lack of motivation affect my ability to purchase adult-sized clothing.
i am offended that you are offended
why is everyone so offended all the time? the sweet lil old lady at work was chastized at work for spreading a “racially and politically insensitive email” in which “many did not find humor.” why does everyone take everything so personally?
first of all, the woman at work meant absolutely NO harm by what she forwarded. yes, it was a bad call on her part, but honestly was someone SO offended by what someone like her sent along that they felt it necessary to report her to HR? (granted, they probably needed something to work on other than the health fair…)
i am the only woman in my department. in fact, there are days that i do not see another female for the entirety of the work day. there are plenty of “woman” jokes that i hear that if i were even remotely sensitive may in fact bother me a bit. there are also georgia tech jokes, white jokes, short jokes, blonde jokes, (the list goes on) jokes that i could easily take offense to, but i do not because of the INTENT.
i think that the most offensive “jokes” are the ones that are malicious since most “jokes” have a hint of the truth in them. but when did the world become so politically correct? i offended someone the other day when i referred to MYSELF as “mankind” and i heard someone else correct another person when they said “colored” and not “black.” when i was in high school, i half-heartedly asked my english teacher to refer to me as “european american” if he insisted on continuously saying “african american” while referring to a jamaican (he didn’t get it).
i figured i’d try to pin down why being politically correct was so important. this is from wikipedia:
According to Edna Andrews, using “inclusive” and “neutral” language is based upon the idea that “language represents thought, and may even control thought”; per the Sapir–Whorf hypothesis, a language’s grammatical categories shape the speaker’s ideas and actions,although Andrews says that moderate conceptions of the relation between language and thought are sufficient to support the “reasonable deduction” of “cultural change via linguistic change”.
so does that mean that if i am not politically correct, my language defines my perception of culture? and i am, in fact, a male chauvinist because i do not acknowledge “female” PC terms? damn, i thought i had the independent woman thing down. Edna Andrews is an idiot. in some instances, sure, language defines cultural perception. in others, language is part of regional dialect, life experience, and communcation skills. i wonder if i just offended edna andrews. i sure hope so.
the second important thing i’d like to mention is that it is NOT ok to have a double-standard for political correctness. it is NOT ok for a black man to call a white man a “cracker” (the term “cracker” comes from the sound a whip makes…) but it is not ok for a white man to call a black man a “nigga” (”can a nigga borrow a pencil?”) ! it is not ok for jews to make priest jokes, but for catholics to not retort with a joke about being horribly cheap. it seems that in our society, it is ok to pick on the majority, but God forbid you poke a little fun at a minority.
beyond race, i am offended that people are offended that they should stand or say “God” in the pledge of allegiance. this country was founded on the principles of a christian base of politicians. it is because of those people that you have the RIGHT to NOT stand for the pledge, or the national anthem, or anything for that matter. you do not have to respect the symbols of your country, and if you choose not to, you are not punished, nor asked any questions. you have the right to say whatever you want, to write whatever you want, to do (within reason) anything your heart desires. but you cannot respect the country that gave you those rights? why should we change our money? why should we change our pledge? why should we cut out songs like “God Bless America?” we shouldn’t. this is national history, people, not the imposition of religion on every person in this country. if you think it is, you are an arrogant jackass.
are you that easy to offend? are you THAT sensitive to every little nuance and cultural or religious difference in society that the second it is even mentioned that you have to scream like the little kid who got picked on in elementary school? grow a pair. life isn’t easy, and you will not always get your way. plus, most people don’t mean anything being politically incorrect it in the first place, unless of course they down-right, flat-out hate you personally to begin with.
my dad attended a church meeting about five years ago where the elders of the church wanted to add that “diversity” was an extremely important mission and to establish such diversity would be a part of the mission/vision statements for the year. dad’s remark was that by bringing attention to a lack of diversity, the moment that an opportunity presented itself to embrace a member of a minority, so much effort and emphasis would be placed on integration that it would actually be nearly offensive. in a nutshell, here is the scenario: 97% white church has a latino family walk in the front doors for the first time. white church vultures who need to ESTABLISH and CELEBRATE their “diversity” swoop in and shower the latino family with all kinds of attention. latino family leaves thinking “damn, what a bunch of crazy white people. we’re not going back there…” there is a difference between accepting diversity and forcing it. you cannot force diversity. ironically, everyone thought my dad was an ass for saying something like that. turns out he ended up being right.
another situation is actually even at work. all of our engineers are white. all of our lab techs are not. our lab techs think our engineers are a bunch of racists because our engineers try so hard not to seem even remotely racist. isn’t that ridiculous?!
i have no intention of being politically correct. the world is what it is. i am deliberate in my words, and i am pure in intent. i hold no prejudice, i couldn’t care less what color or religion you are. i am angry that it is such a big deal. i am angry that if i voted for mccain then i MUST be a racist. i am angry that racism and politics are now holding hands and are suddenly the same thing. you’re either a democrat or a racist, right? left and racist? white or democrat.
ridiculous.
i am offended that everyone is so offended. get over yourself.
“what is it about the green ones?”
normally i sit around and salivate at the thought of buttery popcorn or sucking the salt off of pretzels. however, for some reason i have recently gotten a bit of a sweet tooth daily at about 3 pm. i don’t know why, but if it’s going to be sweet, it’s got to be chocolate.
naturally, i went next door to target over my lunch break. halloween candy on clearance?! sign me up! i bought three bags of m&m’s: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and peanut butter for a grand total of $5. as always, at 3 pm the urge hit me and i cracked open the bag of peanut butter m&m’s. after eating 10 and deciding that i am in actuality getting a bit heavier from my increased caloric intake, i reached into my desk drawer for a paperclip, loosely sealed the bag, and went to put the one-pound bag back into my file cabinet drawer when a small saying on the back of the bag caught my eye.
directly above the bar code and next to the nutritional information, the phrase “what is it about the green ones?” boasted itself clearly.
The Green Ones
so what, exactly, is it with the green ones? as urban legend would have it, the dye in the green m&m candy coating was an aphrodisiac and it became fairly common knowledge that green m&m’s “make you horny.”
side note: i learned that green m&m’s make one feel a bit amorous in elementary school. my best friend at the time, kristin, was eating m&m’s out of the dish at her house when she was about 7 years old when her older, 12 year-old sister told her that she should ONLY eat the green ones. when kristin asked why, her sister told her proudly that they’d make her horny! i’m sure kristin’s sister thought this was hilarious when her little sister consumed every last green candy… until of course kristin’s mother asked her why she only ate the green ones. kristin responded boastfully with a large smile that the reason was because “they make me horny, mom!” inevitably, big sister got in a bit of trouble.
so, if green m&m’s are the legal (and drastically less potent) version of ecstasy, would the marketing department really make a point to print that on the bag? i have to surmise that it was entirely intentional, especially because afterall, “nothing services like a good bohn,” and “innovation never felt so[ooooooo] good.”
digression:
rumor has it that the true renteria dance may be resurrected. renteria is synonymous with victory.
Edgar Renteria
who would i trade for renteria? absolutely anyone. he is one of my all-time favorite baseball players, and i was horribly saddened to see him go to detroit this past year. if he comes back to atlanta, i will be one very happy lady. renteria and peavy? i’m salivating, and not over m&m’s anymore.
(crap. colin, i will write another julio teheran article soon. i’ll have to pull out my spanish-speaking skills again. afterall, i did get 14th in the national spanish exam in 10th grade simply by guessing!)
take me to 1973
i am in love.
when i was a little girl i used to watch M*A*S*H with my father all the time. i did not have the appreciation for it then as i do now. this afternoon i watched 3 episodes and fell in love with the wit, charm, humor, and smile of a tv character.
can someone find me the modern version of my new obsesssion, the 1973 Alan Alda?
Alan Alda
cost (product) reduction and taxpayers
i’m cheap. this should not come as a shock. i do not like to spend my money: i like to hoard it, save it, and watch it accrue interest. so when i find out that i’m getting screwed over (other than by the government), i get slightly angered.
instead of using a loofah and some aromatic body wash with scrubbing beads, i use the good ol’ fashioned bar of soap. i unwrapped a new bar to throw into my shower because i am convinced that having two small pieces of broken soap smashed together do not get me as clean as a solitary bar. however, i was appauled to find yet another way that i am getting screwed (and not in the good way).
above is my old dial soap, voluminous and ready for extended use. below is my new dial soap.
New cost reduced soap
first of all, they have changed the mold to make the soap, adding more of an arch to the center. this does two things:
1. takes total volume out of the soap.
2. makes the soap break in half faster.
points one and two lead to one thing for Henkel KGaA: increased profit on the same product. over time, i end up buying more soap because i run out faster. i obviously also break the damn bar in half faster, causing me to dispose of it more quickly. yes, this is stupid and i should not notice things like this, but the fact of the matter is that i do.
coca-cola is doing it to us too! have you noticed the new coke caps (that i cannot remove from my coke bottles)? they are significantly smaller and made of much thinner plastic. i am no plastics expert (but do possess some forms of logical reasoning), but i would surmise that having less material is cheaper. coke, this is the worst thing you could have done - i wouldn’t have minded smaller serving sizes, but making it impossible to consume my beverage is just sadistic. thank goodness budweiser hasn’t pulled the same crap. i probably would have never noticed the change here except for the fact that i find these caps nearly impossible to twist off.
New Coke Cap
i know that the goal of many corporations is to cost reduce (heck, it’s one of my company’s top five objectives), but you have to be a little less obvious about it. i hope someone else (other than me) has noticed these attrosities.
on an unrelated note, i have recently found extreme humor in the use of the word “taxpayer” as a descriptor for nearly everyone interviewed during the period of time immediately preceeding the election on tuesday. random people off of the street have been plopped in front of a camera, asked some less-than-grueling questions, have given some less-than-intelligent answers, and have been “captioned” as “Sue Smith: Taxpayer.” last i checked, we were all taxpayers. it amuses me that it is now a “title.” congratulations, you’ve been upgraded from non-taxpayer to…. screwed by the government!
alright, i’m done here. i’m going off to write more of my novel. it’s better than my blogs, i promise. (actually i shouldn’t make promises that i can’t keep)